she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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