just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just want to make out with him forever
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
