i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
