summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
