he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
