went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
