I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
