Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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