Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
