there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize