What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
