Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
