It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
