The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
