I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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