Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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