Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize