dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
