peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
