I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
