I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize