who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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