They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
