I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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