Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
