just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
