So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
