I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize