I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
