So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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