Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
