who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I had to cum in my sink.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
