I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
