do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
