Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
