so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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