its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
