I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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