Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
