Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
