Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Drunk is not a location!
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