The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
