so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Every concussion has its silver lining
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
