We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Success! We fucked roommates!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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