I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
