Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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