vagina is talking i cant
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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