So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
