1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
