My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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