she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize