lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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