Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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