No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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