I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
