I hate your face
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
