as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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