there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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