It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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