i permit you to call me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
