ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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