she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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