dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
