all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
