So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
