Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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