a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
