How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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