You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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