So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
