I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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