when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
